My Anniversary, summer vacation and other good stuff

I haven't blogged for a long time because I have been very busy. Our anniversary was on the 27th of May. Danny and I went out on a date... you know, without the kids and everything. We went out to eat and then went to see Pirates of the Caribbean: On stranger tides. We were going to go out to dinner at the Melting Pot in Lexington but i decided I would rather have a nice steak dinner and see a movie. We ate at Reno's in Morehead, a little closer to home - so we wouldn't be wasting all our time traveling. Plus, The Melting Pot is alot more expensive than what we did . I really enjoyed our time out together and that is the most important part- being together and celebrating our love.

 Summer vacation is here. I love summer vacation. The girls can go out back this summer and swim in the pool. Honestly I haven't been this excited for summer vacation in over a year.I am back in the country. It is so nice to be able to enjoy nature again.Speaking of enjoying nature, the girls are already begging to go out and get in the pool and play in the yard. It isn't even noon yet and they want to be outside. But i can't blame them, we didn't have a yard worth playing in in Lex. I want them to spend as much time as possible in the clean, country air... Now where did I put that sunblock...

 O and I've been enjoying the adventures in parenting of 2 bluejays and their babies. I got to witness the first attempts to fly of the baby birds. I was thrilled but I was afraid to move and go get the camera or I would have pictures of the babies. I'm gonna miss them when they are gone.

Mixed feelings

Katie has been going to the Carl D. Perkins Vocational Training Center for 2 months now. I am very proud of her for taking such a dramatic step and making huge progress. I praise God that she is happy and flourishing in that environment, I know this is the best possible situation for her. She is making friends , learning life skills and preparing for college. These are steps I never thought she would take 2 years ago. When she first went to CDPVTC , she made us promise to pick her up every weekend so she could come home to visit. Then she decided to come home every other weekend so she could participate in trips and functions like dances and talent shows. Now she has called and said she can't come home for her sister's birthday party this weekend . she has been gone for 3 weeks and she is loving every minute of it. I am torn between being happy for her and missing her terribly. My heartaches but I suppose I'll have to get used to it because the child I have devoted my life to has moved on. Please don't get me wrong I love Ashley just as much. But when you have an autistic child the level of attention and devotion necessary to care and protect that child becomes such a large part of your life. I enjoy everyday with Ashley but I feel like I should be doing more... the constant vigilance is not necessary while Katie is away and I feel like there is a some kind of gap in my day. I miss Katie like crazy and I just don't know how to acclimate to this new situation. Katie has matured by leaps and bounds... she is an adult now and enjoying her independence. I'm afraid that I might drive Ashley berserk trying to find something to do with myself.

Ashley's birthday and mother's day

Ten years ago, I got the best Mother's Day present a mom could get. Ashley was born 2 days before Mother's Day in 2001. Most usually we celebrate her birthday on the weekend of Mother's Day ... We clump it together into one big celebration. But this weekend , Ashley was sick. And we couldn't have her birthday party. But that didn't  stop us from giving her the present we bought for her, and taking her out to eat. We got her a swimming pool and 3 movies (the Twilight movies). Now comes the task of setting it up and maintaining all the chemicals. I did not know what I was getting into... WOW. But I am looking forward to climbing into that pool with my girls and playing all summer long. Well ok so I'll be floating and catching sun more than I will be "playing". But it will be fun .

For Mother's Day, Danny got me 2 treasure boxes, a mailbox stamp holder and a sea turtle. That is what he bought for me at Crackle barrel , Angel. He told me about calling you to tell you not to mention that your sister saw him. I love all those treasure boxes and I hope he gets me one for every holiday/special day. But some of them are kind of expensive. I guess i should have taken pics of Ashley's and my presents but I am too ornery for that . Ok I guess I'll go do some laundry now before it is time to mow the lawn. Every day is Mother's Day and today is Mother's day to do some chores.

Hubby is sick

Danny is sick again... still. I'm really worried about him. But today he is going to the doctor. He is rarely sick. When he does get sick, it lasts for 2 days at the most. This time, he has been sick for two WEEKS. He always takes such good care of me. I feel helpless that I can't take care of him. I can fetch and carry, do little things for him. But i can't make him feel better. It is very frustrating to see the one you love so sick and not be able to fix it. I hope the doctor can fix it. He is so miserable. I have a feeling that he might have the flu. He has been running a fever and his body aches and he throws up every morning and sometimes in the afternoon... maybe he's pregnant. I don't know what is going with him but I am very worried about him. It doesn't help that the weather has been crappy. When it is raining all day/week, he aches because of arthritis in his back and shoulders. I'll be in constant prayer for him today ... I just wish there was more that I could do.

So nice

I had a wonderful birthday. I spent the day with my hubby. He had to go get a new smile from Morehead. He had broken his dentures til there was no fixing them. He has a gorgeous smile and now it is even brighter... like blinding. I got some presents for my birthday. I got a thermometer from my sister and Danny got 2 birds in buckets and a knife. I've carried a knife forever but since I lost my other one when we lived in Lex , I haven't had one to carry. We also went out to eat at the Mexican restaurant in town. It was all good. I took pics of my stuff except the knife. I saw no reason to take a pic of it. Looky...

She said I was old.

Isn't that butterfly beautiful ?? It has graced my yard for 2 days. I just love watching the bees and butterflies in my yard. My ED says that is because I am old. I turned 36 today ,but I don't feel old. Some days , I do. But not today. I feel pretty and special and loved. I woke up to birthday wishes from my beloved hubby and my YD. DH said I could do anything I want to do today because it is my special day. Ummm OK. I want to go bungee jumping and I want to buy an all new wardrobe and... No really I would rather just have a nice quiet day with those that I love. I really wish I could have all my dear friends and family together But that isn't going to happen any time soon because of situations beyond our control. So I will be happy and thank God for all that I have because I am truly blessed. And I will keep a look out for more birds,bees, and butterflies - beautiful things like that.

Big ideals

 I thought I would get so much done this week ... like every other week lately. I had all these plans to Spring clean my house and finally get every box unpacked. I knew I couldn't do anything on Monday because we were taking Katie to Paintsville and that is a 2 hours drive , one way. What I didn't take into account was the effects driving/riding in a car has on the pinched nerve in my back. My legs hurt like I have ran a marathon. My back and hip hurts with shooting pains... even my fingers hurt. I can't sit, stand or lay with any comfort. So housework is out of the question for the most part. I can do some laundry and wash a few dishes. I might be able to sweep the wood chips from around the stove. But the major crap exodus I had planned has been put on hold til the pain recedes. I need to move furniture and piles of junk. I need to get the bathroom ready for remodeling. I need to heal so I can get all this work done. I also want to go to the tanning bed. I want to go for a walk every evening. And I want to do some yard work. I have a hard time calling what I do outside work . I love to mow, dig, plant flowers, even burning a brush pile gets my mojo to going. But for now I'm not doing a lot of anything except looking for relief.

Katie

My eighteen -year -old daughter is autistic and bi-polar with psychotic episodes. I have never expected her to move out and do the adult thing on her own. She has a  lot of problems and she needs help every day. I thought I was the only one that could possibly help her with the trials she faces every day. ( I have to admit that my hubby proved to me long ago that he is perfectly willing to help Katie with almost anything- the girl stuff is my ballgame though LOL) I expected to grow old with Katie living with me and Danny. And I had resigned myself to having a woman-child that forgot to take her meds because she was busy playing Pokemon or neopets or play station... But that was before we were told about the Carl Perkins center in Paintsville. It is a vocational rehabilitation center for young adults that are mentally and physically disabled. The center is a wonderful place with its own hospital attached to the complex. The people are understanding , intelligent and kind. It is also a last chance facility for children with problems that get into trouble with the law. And it is understood that everyone there has their own battles, everyone is equal. I suppose the only real difference in how they are enrolled is that the physically disabled kids live in assisted living, the mentally disabled are placed in the dorm where they can also be helped but have a sense of freedom , and the state wards (last-chance kids) are stay in their own wing. The state wards aren't allowed to go home on the weekends either but this place pus the emphasis on rehabilitation for these kids and their parents are welcome to visit and the counselors take them on special trips on the weekend , even if it is just a trip to Wal-mart to spend their allowance. Everyone has duties to perform. Some carry out the trash, or vacuum the halls, and some work in the food service. It is a wonderful program the teaches personal responsibility and life skills along with addressing the specific needs of the individual. They do OT,PT and all the personal therapy the student needs. They even have medical doctors and psychologists that live in house for most of the year .

 I cannot express how excited I am that Katie has the opportunity to learn life skills , take college readiness courses and have others encourage her to live her own life. First they take the time to show Katie that she can do the things she needs to do to live on her own. They are even going to teach her to drive. Then she will choose a college readiness program that will eventually- only when she is ready- help her choose a college and a degree. And they will do 99% of her basic college courses there in-campus.
 I wonder how long it will be before Katie is calling me to tell me that I won't be coming to pick her up on Friday because the counselors are doing something that weekend that she wants to participate  in. Until then, though, I will be there every Friday afternoon ready to take her home til Sunday evening. It is a 2 hour drive and we will be doing it three times a week in most cases. But the Fam has agreed to help with those trips. I just thank God for this opportunity for Katie to expand her personal horizons.

 This is Katie and she is officially a resident-student of the Carl Perkins vocational  rehabilitation center...

Menopause

I woke up at 2:30 this morning and I was covered , soaked in sweat. Hot flashes and night sweats are nothing new to me. I have been peri-menopausal for 3 years now. On a happy note, my doctor says the earlier your body starts going through the menopause motions , the Longer it takes for nature to run its course. In essence, I could be peri-menopausal for a long,long time. I don't relish that thought. On most days, I go about on my happy life journey with nary a thought about time marching along across and throughout my body. But there are times when I'd rather kiss a snake than have one more hot flash. And ovary death HURTS. My sad excuse for  a period adds up to 3 days of excruciating pain during most months - I have been prescribed Loritabs because I can't function when it hurts like that. The hot flashes, night sweats, and mood swings are often just the icing on this nasty little cake. I've been told to take special vitamins, use pain rubs and patches, and I spend a majority of my period with a heating pad or in a hot tub... I have discovered to I can't take Any vitamins any more; I get violently ill (yes,Angel , I should try the Reliv. But every time I think I can order some , something happens) . I even bought a special tea while I lived in Lexington that was supposed to regulate the hormones. Now I'm just determined to live through this without alienating -or killing- my DH. He is a good sport about most of it though. But he really doesn't take kindly to my snapping at him just because he chose the wrong moment to pick on me. I'll just be so glad when this is over

Willow

My cat has lost her freaking mind. She was spayed about a month ago, and she must have lost  brain cells during the operation. She wants to be loved on all the time But she is anti-social and crabby. She chases the dogs. And she tries to sleep in the bed with DH and me. I think it is a plot to make Danny swell up like a balloon. She stole my watch the other night ... I'm not sure what she thought she was going to do with it. But I found it in the hallway with scratches on it from being batted around. She must have had fun . Now I sleep with  my watch to keep the little thief  from getting it. Also she has started drinking from the bathroom sink. I think she has spring fever But at least she can't act upon the impulse of nature. My cat has truly lost her mind... if anyone finds it , send it back to her . She really needs it.

Dogwood winter??!!??

Aren't my magnolias pretty? I like them alot.
Why does it have to get so cold for the Dogwoods to bloom?? I like them as much as the next person, but I don't like it getting cold just for them to bloom. But the warm weather was nice and I keep telling myself that it will be awesome when it returns. I just got my new porch swing up yesterday. I might bundle up and swing on it for a few minutes today...everyday. So I'm gonna remind myself  how nice it was when it was warm until it gets warm again.Maybe, DH and I will have the house unpacked and cleaned by the time it gets warm and I can do some yard work .

Spring!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spring has sprung! And with it comes that urge to spring clean everything in my path. For the past 2 weeks I have been very busy done a lot of nothing. I have a pinched nerve in my back and I was trying to let it heal. With the warm and beautiful days , I have decided that I have healed enough. I want to open all the doors and windows (well, the windows that will open) and toss all the junk to the curb or the fire pile... You'd be astounded at the stuff I throw out when I am in a mood like this one. If it has sat unused for 6 months, it goes out the door. I figure if I accidentally toss something useful then Wal-mart will sell me another one. I'll be doing one room a day all week . I still have boxes to unpack, but this is actually a blessing because I can go through it all , decide where it goes and arrange everything the right way.

 Today is kitchen day. I have been working on it since 7 a.m. And I am no where near done But Dh works nights right now so I have plenty of time to finish it. OOO ! you gotta see what God gave me in my yard this weekend!

DH took this pic for me ... you can see the dewdrops on the petals! Just Gorgeous!

Ice!!??!!

There is ice falling from the sky this morning. I walked my YD to the bus at the end of the driveway and the sleet started to fall . Fortunately, it started sleeting before we got off the porch. I can just imagine having to race back to the house for the umbrella. I may just make it a habit to take the umbrella with us every morning... even if the sun is shining bright and warm. This is KY after all. The weather is as fickle as my 12-year-old SD.

I yearn for the pleasant days of summer.. and yet I know that spring and summer bring thunder storms that we may have to walk through to get YD to the bus. But at least it will be warm and perhaps this constant ache will be relieved. I know spring is slowly winding its way here. I heard about a thousand frogs in the pond last night before bed time. Poor little fellers have woke up to some cold and unpleasant weather. But on the bright side, it is supposed to warm up later this week.

On a side note, one of my favorite things about this old country home passed yesterday... That's right, I am in mourning. I am mourning the lose of my front porch swing. DH was sitting on the swing when the back broke off and spilled him out backwards onto the porch floor. When I got to him (being alerted by YD yelling "O Papa " all the way through the house) he was flat on his back groaning and laughing. He hit his head twice on the banister as he fell . And for unknown reasons, found it hilarious that the porch swing died while he was sitting upon it. So now I am in search of a new porch swing. I happen to live in the land of old farmers and hand-crafters... It will not be long before I am swinging on my front porch again.

The rain

Rain has a completely different smell in the country. When I lived in the city the rain always smelled like worms and dirt - very strong. Here in the country it smells clean and fresh. I know it is probably my imagination but it feels cleaner too. And even though this kind of weather makes me ache all over I love to listen to the rain falling on the tin roof of the house. It is very soothing. The weather man said we were under a flood warning because we have had too much rain fall lately. But til I float away i will be enjoying the sights , sounds and smells of another rainy ,spring-ish day here in La-la land.
 Rain makes me drowsy. I almost said it made me lazy but I think I was born lazy so I can't blame it on the rain... Okay now I've got that Milly-Vanilly song in my head. Well today's background music is brought to you by  Rain... there are alot of songs about the rain but my favorite is  "Drip, drip drop little April showers..."
 Today I have to makes sure all of my OD's clothes are clean to pack for her to go to voc/rehab on Monday. I am nervous and scared for her... she seems more excited than nervous, but that is okay I happen to be experiencing enough anxiety for both of us. I'm not ready to see her flex those freedom wings just yet. She may be 18 but I  can't imagine her being gone all day everyday. But I am also so proud of her for getting into this program and wanting to learn and do more. It was just 2 years ago that she was eliciting promises from me and DH that  we would never make her move out because the world was too big and scary. I praise God for the improvement in my OD. Okay I have rambled enough for one day and no matter how much I procrastinate the laundry won't wash itself.

Cobwebs

I hate cobwebs. Actually, I hate any dirty nasty thing but cobwebs give me the chills. I thought I had rid my little country home of those pesky interlopers into my clean house But I found out differently this morning. As I was happily Facebooking with my trusty cup of coffee, I looked up into the corner of my living room and there hung  the ghastly proof that I had some how failed to rid my home of condemned spider webs and dust. Ugh! Gross! So I retrieved my duster from the closet and set on a journey of removing and destroying any and all cobwebs. I went through every room, dusting corners cracks and crevices.I have waged war on those nasty , clinging bits and strands. I know there are more... I haven't dusted my daughters rooms today. And I know if they are everywhere else in the house , they will be found in those rooms too. Kat ran me out of her room . I was trying to dust while she was trying to sleep .... For some odd reason she didn't find that appealing at all. I tried to explain that I was freeing her room from the bondage of cobwebs... she threw a pillow at me. I guess she doesn't have the same issues with cobwebs that I do. Hmmmm Imagine that, my teenage daughter could care less about my battle with the evil cobwebs. Well it is late morning now and I think it is time for her to wake and greet the day... or I'll just whack her with my duster if she grumbles at me again.

 After I finish dusting I have decided to set up the little girls' room the way I  want it. I tried to give them a chance to unpack and set up the room to suit them... Apparently having a pile of boxes stacked in the corner suits them just fine; I am not pleased with that at all. I want everything in its place ( at least once a year in the girls' rooms and always in every room I used daily. It drives me bananas to try to search for something when it can not be found in its appointed place. I hate searching for anything. I want to be able to go directly to an  item when I need it, not after 20 minutes of searching. Of course, my middle child (my youngun from another mother) has a entirely different view of  the household rules. She figures if she can hide it , it is clean. If she can use it , it is hers. And if I tell her to do something , she can get a different opinion from her father (that doesn't work ,but she tries). She has no rules at her mother's house, except what her grandmother says goes. She has no chores as long as she keeps her grades up... I have seen her bedroom and I don't know how she gets in the bed at night. But , despite the lack of  parental guidance , she is turning into an alright kid.

 I went of on a tangent there that I never meant to get into . my point was that I am going to get those rooms dusted and the little girls' room unpacked before there morning is gone... Wow I better get hopping before the day really gets away from me!

I'm in the country again... back where I belong

Wow after almost 2months, I just got my internet and phone hooked up here. We have been very busy working on the house. And I have enjoyed 99% of it. Of course there are somethings I could have done without. But anything worth having has to be worked for. I love sitting on my front porch and listening to the birds and other sounds of nature. No constant traffic, no sirens at all hours, no neighbors yelling . If my neighbors yell I can barely hear them because they are clear across the field. I love it here. We have had to redo all the water pipes, I have had to learn to build a wood fire, and through it all I have felt God's blessing on us. It is truly wonderful and I praise Him for His grace and Love. The overwhelming peace that has settled over our lives is tangible. I'll be back with more soon but for now I have more boxes to unpack and rooms to get in order... Fun stuff like that.

Moving

2 1/2 years ago , we moved to the city. It was a big adaptation for this little country mouse to learn to live in the city. Now we are moving back to the same house in the same chunk of country we left because city livin' is expensive. We can live well on the same money that we are barely surviving on right now. And living well within our means is very important. Being able to give my girls the things they need and pay our bills is Very important. But at the same time I am so thankful for my time here. We have made some life long friends. I will forever have a church family here. And I have learned some very important lessons here. There is too much for me to see,hear,and experience for me to hide in the house all the time. My children have blossomed and grown independent in the past couple of years (even though my youngest wants me to Home school her so that she can stay home with me more LOL ... not gonna happen) As I have started thinking about moving back to the country, I have realized that I feel like I am going home.  In Bath county, if someone gets shot, they were either cheating or hunting... here you can get shot walking down the wrong street. I am looking forward to hearing the birds sing at sunrise and hearing the frogs converse at sunset. Winters are hard no matter where you live when you have fybromyalgia But Spring and summer are times for running across the yard barefooted with a water hose chasing after your children and dragging the dogs out of the pond. Plus, I miss my family and friends A LOT. So I am letting the internet and phone be shut off this week so I can afford to move. I can't wait ... I am excited.

DH is being very nice to me now...

This is what I posted as a comment on my previous post....
Thanks so much for your support guys... Dh realized he had screwed up when I gave him a good chewing on Saturday afternoon then said I was going to Angels if he didn't shape up. He apologized and gave me a wide path til I had calmed down. Maybe I should have done that to begin with but I hate fighting in front of the kids.

After I finished the original blog , I realized that I was allowing DH to treat me like crap because I felt physically ill and because I had Ashley in the car with us. So when DH came home on Saturday , I sent Ashley to her room and told DH what I felt, thought and what I planned to do about it. He chilled out real quick .

All is right in Sugaland again. Hope everyone had/has a very Happy New year.

The stress is killing us.

I am emotionally drained. Last night, we went to church and had a wonderful time. DH was in a great mood. Then we left the church in search of food. It was 10:30 on New Year's eve and I knew pickin's would be slim. There was nothing open uptown except for the bars and pubs. So we went downtown - closer to home - where there are several 24 hour restaurants to choose from. Driving down the road I couldn't decide  what I really wanted. I suggested we get Ashley something from Taco Bell but DH was in the wrong lane to go to Taco Bell . And thats when it started. He said some really hurtful things so I just sat there and didn't respond. He was concentrating on the traffic and telling me how sick he was of me being so in-decisive ... That's when he saw the look on mine and Ashley's face. He started yelling at me because I was "doing it again" and that he was only playing and I needed to get over myself. Unfortunately I started crying.. and that set him off worse. Ashley was trying to console me ,bless her loving heart. DH said if I didn't shut up and dry it up , he was done with me. Sick of the way I was acting just because he tried to play with me. I don't say mean things to him when I play. I don't say that I am "tired of him" when I play. And I don't yell when he gets upset because of something I've done . I apologize. I apologize all the time ... It seems like I am always doing something to make him mad. Last night I saw the New year come in alone.  I thought, when I stopped crying and ordered my food like he told me to, everything was ok by the time we got home. I don't know what happened. After he stomped through the house casting me looks as if I were a roach, he announced that he was "done" and he was going to bed. I asked him what I did ... he just got mad and said something like "you know..." No I don't know , that's why I asked. He laid in bed for a long time. I fell and Ashley helped me. Then I had to get his help with Ashley's vent.. I got yelled at again. I'm tired , sad , and scared. I can't let him know that I am still hurt or he will yell at me again. I am SO tired. He knows that I love him... I guess, that's why he knows he can treat me like this. About 1 a.m. or so I went to get my house shoes so I could walk the dogs, thats when he realized I was walking with my cane again. He never asked why I had to use my cane But he did tell me to get out of his way  and he would walk the dogs. Then he logged on the computer and commence to ignoring me. I was in so much pain that I just went on to bed. Later when I needed help, he was acting like nothing had ever happened. And this morning he went on like nothing ever happened and he was never angry at me. I don't know what to do. I'm too tired ,and in too much pain, to fight and argue. I pray and pray but maybe I am praying for the wrong things. I'm ready to give up. I can't seem to do anything right ... out side of the bedroom that is. But his expectations of me are a whole "nother" story.

Well I've ranted and I do feel a lot better. I started this blog thinking that I wasn't going to make it through the day without having a nervous breakdown. I feel almost human again and I know that I need to hold it together for my girls.