Moving

2 1/2 years ago , we moved to the city. It was a big adaptation for this little country mouse to learn to live in the city. Now we are moving back to the same house in the same chunk of country we left because city livin' is expensive. We can live well on the same money that we are barely surviving on right now. And living well within our means is very important. Being able to give my girls the things they need and pay our bills is Very important. But at the same time I am so thankful for my time here. We have made some life long friends. I will forever have a church family here. And I have learned some very important lessons here. There is too much for me to see,hear,and experience for me to hide in the house all the time. My children have blossomed and grown independent in the past couple of years (even though my youngest wants me to Home school her so that she can stay home with me more LOL ... not gonna happen) As I have started thinking about moving back to the country, I have realized that I feel like I am going home.  In Bath county, if someone gets shot, they were either cheating or hunting... here you can get shot walking down the wrong street. I am looking forward to hearing the birds sing at sunrise and hearing the frogs converse at sunset. Winters are hard no matter where you live when you have fybromyalgia But Spring and summer are times for running across the yard barefooted with a water hose chasing after your children and dragging the dogs out of the pond. Plus, I miss my family and friends A LOT. So I am letting the internet and phone be shut off this week so I can afford to move. I can't wait ... I am excited.

DH is being very nice to me now...

This is what I posted as a comment on my previous post....
Thanks so much for your support guys... Dh realized he had screwed up when I gave him a good chewing on Saturday afternoon then said I was going to Angels if he didn't shape up. He apologized and gave me a wide path til I had calmed down. Maybe I should have done that to begin with but I hate fighting in front of the kids.

After I finished the original blog , I realized that I was allowing DH to treat me like crap because I felt physically ill and because I had Ashley in the car with us. So when DH came home on Saturday , I sent Ashley to her room and told DH what I felt, thought and what I planned to do about it. He chilled out real quick .

All is right in Sugaland again. Hope everyone had/has a very Happy New year.

The stress is killing us.

I am emotionally drained. Last night, we went to church and had a wonderful time. DH was in a great mood. Then we left the church in search of food. It was 10:30 on New Year's eve and I knew pickin's would be slim. There was nothing open uptown except for the bars and pubs. So we went downtown - closer to home - where there are several 24 hour restaurants to choose from. Driving down the road I couldn't decide  what I really wanted. I suggested we get Ashley something from Taco Bell but DH was in the wrong lane to go to Taco Bell . And thats when it started. He said some really hurtful things so I just sat there and didn't respond. He was concentrating on the traffic and telling me how sick he was of me being so in-decisive ... That's when he saw the look on mine and Ashley's face. He started yelling at me because I was "doing it again" and that he was only playing and I needed to get over myself. Unfortunately I started crying.. and that set him off worse. Ashley was trying to console me ,bless her loving heart. DH said if I didn't shut up and dry it up , he was done with me. Sick of the way I was acting just because he tried to play with me. I don't say mean things to him when I play. I don't say that I am "tired of him" when I play. And I don't yell when he gets upset because of something I've done . I apologize. I apologize all the time ... It seems like I am always doing something to make him mad. Last night I saw the New year come in alone.  I thought, when I stopped crying and ordered my food like he told me to, everything was ok by the time we got home. I don't know what happened. After he stomped through the house casting me looks as if I were a roach, he announced that he was "done" and he was going to bed. I asked him what I did ... he just got mad and said something like "you know..." No I don't know , that's why I asked. He laid in bed for a long time. I fell and Ashley helped me. Then I had to get his help with Ashley's vent.. I got yelled at again. I'm tired , sad , and scared. I can't let him know that I am still hurt or he will yell at me again. I am SO tired. He knows that I love him... I guess, that's why he knows he can treat me like this. About 1 a.m. or so I went to get my house shoes so I could walk the dogs, thats when he realized I was walking with my cane again. He never asked why I had to use my cane But he did tell me to get out of his way  and he would walk the dogs. Then he logged on the computer and commence to ignoring me. I was in so much pain that I just went on to bed. Later when I needed help, he was acting like nothing had ever happened. And this morning he went on like nothing ever happened and he was never angry at me. I don't know what to do. I'm too tired ,and in too much pain, to fight and argue. I pray and pray but maybe I am praying for the wrong things. I'm ready to give up. I can't seem to do anything right ... out side of the bedroom that is. But his expectations of me are a whole "nother" story.

Well I've ranted and I do feel a lot better. I started this blog thinking that I wasn't going to make it through the day without having a nervous breakdown. I feel almost human again and I know that I need to hold it together for my girls.